Doing the Right Thing

The other night we were at a college football game.

Luke bought along a friend.

We were sitting near the top of the bleachers.

A group of boys,

around Luke's age

came and sat near us.

After about 20 minutes, one of the boys younger brother came to join them.

He looked about 5, the other boys looked around 10.

He told his brother that he had to sit next to him.

The kid sitting next to the big brother wouldn't move.

The big brother asked him to move.

He refused.

The little bother tried to squeeze in.

The boy pushed the little brother off the bench.

I turned to him told him to cut it and make room for the little kid.

Luke was horrified.

" Mommy!"he said.

About 10 minutes later the bully boy left.

When he returned he had posters for everyone.

Everyone except the the little boy.

He taunted the little boy with the poster.

Luke and his friend got upset.

" That's so mean, " they both said.

Then they started whispering.

A few moments later,

they got up and walked over to the little boy.

" If you want a poster we will go get you one, " they said.

The shy little boy shook his head.

The bully's mouth dropped.

Luke and his friend went back to their seats.

The bully sat there for a few minutes.

Then took the little boy by his hand and brought him down to get a poster.

Nothing like being shamed into doing the right thing by your peers!

What Kids Think

As we near yet another anniversary of September 11th,

I am reminded of something MoMo said a few weeks after.

Gena's sister was dying of cancer--yes, 2001 was another bad year for us.

MoMo was 6 and we decided that we would see Aunt Susie dying.

Gena had taken the lead on this.

I think she knew that one day MoMo would have to watch her die.

MoMo wasn't very close to Aunt Susie.

She did spend time with her at the end.

The day sfter Susie died, I was tucking Maureen into bed.

As I leaned over to kiss her goodnight she suddenly sat up and started to cry.

"If Aunt Susie is dead, and the bad guys from the airplane are dead. Can they hurt Aunt Susie?"

Facebook

I am estranged from my family.

I get an occasional email from my mom but that's it.

It's a long story--one for another day.

As a result of being estranged, I have lost track of many of my cousins.

That was until FACE BOOK.

About a year ago my cousin Joyce contacted me through Facebook.

I was so surprised and thrilled to hear from her.

The last time I had seen her was in high school and now she had a grown son!

We exchanged emails and commented on each others pictures and posts.

She helped me get in touch with more cousins.

A few months ago she was found unconscious in her bathroom.

No one was sure how long she was there.

She remained in a coma for 6 more days.

When she finally came out of the coma she had sustained liver and heart damaged.

When she returned home she asked me to call her.

I did.

We spoke for about an hour--I hadn't heard from her in 20 years.

We got caught up.

A week later she texted me and told she was on her way back to the hospital.

She was bleeding internally.

Somehow she made it through surgery and again was unconscious for days after.

Last week she rallied--a little.

But that was short lived.

Last night she died.

I am feeling sad and a little lost.

She was a connection to my past.

We grew up together.

We shared holidays and

we shared family.

I will miss her posts and her emails.

I will miss that connection.

I feel...... sad......a drift..........

No Nuts Zone

In May of 2009 I discovered I couldn't eat gluten.

It had started out slowly.

I had done "mini fast" in April.

I cut out wheat, sugar and caffeine.

I had been feeling sluggish and my Yoga instructor thought this might be helpful.

After I started the fast, I got SICK!!!

I spent many hours in the bathroom.

But after a few days I started to feel better.

In May I started eating bread again.

I was in P town for the weekend and we went out for breakfast.

The restaurant specialized in homemade French Toast and I couldn't resist!!

The next day I noticed bumps on my hands.

I continued to eat wheat and within a few days my legs were covered in hives.

They itched and were hot to the touch.

I had awful stomach pain , low grade fever and headaches.

After a few trips to the doctor it was discovered that I couldn't tolerate gluten.

It took me a awhile to get used to this idea.

The first months, I was afraid to eat anything.

I lived on eggs.

I managed to get through the first year but still wasn't feeling great.

This summer I discovered that I couldn't tolerate Soy products.

I spent most of this summer learning how to cook gluten free.

I totally embraced it.

I started following blogs, reading cookbooks and trying new recipes.

The most amazing thing was my family liked the gluten free food better than the gluten free food.

I made homemade granola, tomato sauce and lots of salads and stir fries.

School started back up and I was all set.

I had my almond milk, my homemade granola and gluten free bread.

On opening Day the superintendent made an announcement.

We were a nut free school.

No nuts of any kind!

Do you know how much gluten free food is made with ALMONDS!!!

I knew we had kids that had peanut allergies.

I didn't bring peanut products to school.

But no one had reported any allergies to almonds.

But now I am back to square one.

I feeling defeated.

I am trying to find quick, easy food to grab at work that doesn't have nuts, milk, soy or gluten.

Any ideas?

So

Labor Day

Gena always hated Labor Day weekend.

She hated fall.

She said it went back to when she was in first grade and her parents sent her to boarding school.

Imagine that--boarding school in the first grade.

As the fall season would began its descent, Gena would fall into a funk.

She would become depressed.

So it is somehow fitting that it was Labor Day weekend, 2 years ago that she began her final descent from us.

She complained of chest pains and Tom once again took her the hospital.

He called to let us know while we attending the wake of a good friend of ours.

After spending the weekend in a hospital here in the Happy Valley,

she was once again sent to a hospital in Boston.

We were used to seeing her in hospitals in Boston.

Since I had met her she had many stays in Boston Hospitals.

There her heart surgeries, mini strokes, laser surgeries on her eyes and of course,

the biggest stay of all....

the kidney transplant.

This time the trip was different.

There weren't any tricks to pull out of the bag.

No last minute miracle to try.

This time the word was spoken.

The word we didn't want to hear.

Hospice

That was her last trip to a Boston Hospital.

Instead of a new miracle, she began a new journey.

A journey that took her away from us.

A that taught us so much.

So as we reflect on Labor Day, and all the things we labor,

I reflect on Gena's labor of love of life.

How she fought for each moment of it and tried to live it to the fullest.

Gens, I miss you....

21 years

Twenty-one years ago I married my best friend.

It was by far the best decision I ever made!

My parents didn't support my decision.

My parents didn't want me to get married.

I was to stay at home and take care of them and my siblings.

My mom would wait up when I came home from dates and have a list of reasons why I needed to break up with J.

My dad would leave the room every time J came over.

I was engaged 3 days before I told them.

After they found out they tried to break it off.

My mom took me out for dinner and gave me a list of reasons why this was a bad choice.

Several weeks later they had both of us over to dinner and the whole family confronted us and told us not to get married.

We left --but not after we gave them a piece of our minds.

That was the last meal I ever had at my parents house.

I wasn't sure they would come to my wedding.

I told them when and where and left it up to them.

They did come, but I think it was because several extended family members were coming.

We decided not to have my dad walk my down the aisle and decided instead to walk down together.

For me, that said it all. We were in this together.

We promised to not forget where we came from, to continue to grow and to have a roof over our heads and food on our tables.

So far, all our promises have been kept.

My family, well we haven't seen them in 20 years.

I get an occasional email from my mom.

My kids have never met them.

And my siblings--the ones who my parents supported all their marriages--divorced.

All of them divorced.

And me,

well today I celebrate 21 years.

Today I have a wonderful family that supports me and loves me for who I am.

Today I am truly blessed!

Cat Bird

We have a Cat Bird that hangs out by our deck.

She has been here for several years.

She hops on the deck railing and hangs out with us.

She doesn't seemed bothered by the noise of the kids or the dogs.

This year we discovered she had laid two eggs in the bushes next to the deck.

Luke carefully watched them.

We would put bread and cracker crumbs near her nest so she wouldn't venture far.

A few weeks ago we noticed one egg hatched.

Pretty soon we heard little peeping nosies.

A few weeks later we noticed little noises in the bushes and every once in awhile would see two

birds hopping along in the branches.

Sadly only one egg hatched.

We still see the other birds out and about.

I wonder if the new bird will join us on the deck next year?

Being Gluten Free

I have been gluten free for a little over a year now.

I am starting to get used to it.

I am starting to venture out and

am trying to embrace it.

Last week we were on vacation.

We had an 12 hour drive to the Outer Banks.

For the car ride down I packed a great cooler full of food.

I had deviled eggs, gluten free bread with gluten free cold cuts, grapes, gluten free potato chips and gluten free candy.

The food was a success!

All week long I did ok too.

I brought gluten free bread, gluten free flour and ate well.

The ride home was another story.

The house we rented policy was no food was to be left in the house.

By the end of he week we were trying to finish up all the food.

The local grocery store had a little gluten free section.

The cooler on the ride home was full of left overs and my hubby is not fond of leftovers.

We stopped at a McDonalds for breakfast.

They ate biscuits with eggs, sausages and bacon.

I ate a gluten free bar.

For lunch they found a Sonic.

We don't have Sonics here no idea what is in their product so

I followed the rule--

when in doubt don't,

They happily drank thick milk shakes and raved how good they were.

I ate a soggy tuna sandwich.

Confession--I did tear up a little--I really wanted a treat!

For dinner McDonalds again.

I ate grapes.

Lesson learned.

When traveling plan for the trip home!

New Tradition

Since MoMo was 2 we have been going to Maine for our vacation.

My in-laws rented the same place and the whole family was invited up.

Most of the time it was just us that went.

For the past 3 years more of the family has been coming.

Last year was the first year that Gena (ML) was not there.

She died in October.

My father in- law decided to do one more vacation up there.

It was nice, but strange.

It was clear that Tom was missing Gena.

The place we stay is amazing.

Right on the ocean.

Water on three sides.

A small cove next to the house.

Breath taking.

The down size it is only 4 bedrooms.

A little cramped the 10 people.

And the water runs out a lot.

So this year we decided to try something new.

Juls ( my sister in law) went on the internet and found a house to rent on the Outer Banks.

It has a swimming pool, 6 bedrooms and beautiful views.

We leave Friday.

We are getting excited.

A new tradition will begin.

Mom of a Teenager

MoMo is still in Sweden.

We pick her up on Thursday--then leave for our vacation on Friday!

Throughout her trip we have gotten emails, chatted on line and phone calls.

Her emails aren't very informative.

Example--she just finished her home stay.

I asked her how it went--answer good. I like my host family. They are really nice !!!!!!!

( notice the exclamation points)

I got more than J did.

When he asked about their 8 day canoe trip --a trip where they were out in the Baltic Sea for 8 days, staying on islands with no bathrooms or electricity--and oh by the way she has never been on a canoe before--

he got

It was fun!!!!!!--give or take an exclamation point.

Yesterday she sent me an email--short

I love you

I guess having a teenager isn't all that bad!

SyFy

In the past I would not have described myself as a sci fi person.

I had fleeting periods where I watched Star Trek the Next Generation.

I did see the Star War Movies.

But that's about it.

I have never been to a Star Trek convention.

And have never camped out on a sidewalk to keep my place in line to see a movie.

Lately I have noticed that many of the shows I watch on Hulu are tagged --Sci Fi.

Last summer I discovered Warehouse 13.

It is now a new family favorite.

Last summer was also the summer that our family watched the entire Roswell series.

I really enjoy watching Ghost Hunters and Ghost Hunters International.

(The verdict is still out on Ghost Hunters Academy)

This summer I stumbled across Fact or Faked.

Within the first episode Luke and I were hooked.

Luke said it was a combination of Mythbusters and Ghost Hunters.

I have also discovered Haven and The Gates.

Haven I was unsure of at first but it is growing on me.

I didn't want to like The Gates but was quickly sucked in.

A community with the vampires, werewolves, witches and succubus, what else is there to say.

What is a succubus anyway?

KFC

Shortly after we moved to the Happy Valley, the kids school had a picnic.

Everyone brings their own dinner and we spread out on the grass and visit.

The kids were excited because they knew picnic meant--KFC ( Kentucky Fried Chicken)

J's family grew up on KFC.

When they were living in Ohio, every Sunday they go to Granny's house and eat KFC.

In our family we had KFC on special occasions.

School picnics were definitely in that category.

The day of the picnic we take off to KFC.

Get a bucket, mashed potatoes, beans and chocolate cake.

We arrive at the picnic, spread out our blanket and dig in.

As we are eating I start looking around.

No one else had a bucket.

They all had brought food from home.

Food I had never seen before.

Salads, tofu, beans, lentils,buckwheat, sandwiches with mushrooms and veggies.

I was shocked.

I kept asking people what they were eating--surprising no one asked us what we were eating.

No one asked for a bite either!

Disorganization Update

Ok, I am trying something new.

Nothing gets put away until it has a proper spot!

Linen closet clean.

Pantry clean

Bedroom closet clean

Some of the kitchen drawers clean.

So far it's working.

I am hoping to be done the end of next week when we leave for vacation!

Being Gluten Free

I have been Gluten Free for a little over a year now.

I am have been doing ok, but lately I hit a snag.

Last Thursday I bought a new kind of soy milk for my coffee.

It was labeled Gluten Free.

Tried it on Friday, felt a little off.

Used it on Saturday, had a foggy head and couldn't think straight.

Used it Sunday, got a headache and dizzy.

Checked the label again--yep, gluten free.

Used it Monday and felt terrible!!!!!

Couldn't think or concentrate to read. Headache, dizzy, stomach issues!

I spent all day in bed, dozing on and off listening to a book on tape because I couldn't focus on anything!

So now the question is ....

was it soy or

was it mis labeled and the product did have gluten!

Either way, I threw it out!

Dreams

My weird dream is pretty wild and if I do say so myself.

pretty amazing.

I can hear, see colors, smell, touch, feel and taste things in my dreams.

Sometimes I am me and other times,

I look down and I am someone else.

I also have several places that I keep returning to.

Last night I had one of those dreams.

I am in Maine--or so I think.

I am with my family.

We drive the same way each time.( not the real way we drive to Maine)

After a few minutes, I know where we are, I recognize it.

I know where we are going.

We pass the village common, with the white church and stone path.

We pass the little art store and bakery.

We drive more and see the parking lot for the boats.

Turn left follow the street that is next to the ocean.

It's green and lush, smells of salty air.

We drive over the bridge, see the red building ahead.

We turn into the the old parking lot.

The gravel is uneven and there is grass sticking out.

We unload the car

and start walking towards the woods on the other side of the parking lot.

When we reach reach the woods, we see a path.

We take it.

We walk through the woods for a while.

Then there is a foot bridge that is over an outlet to the ocean.

We walk over the bridge.

We continue walking and then the path comes out to a clearing that has several houses,

well cottages.

Ours is the third one on the left.

It's white with a screened in porch.

It's small and cozy inside.

Living room, kitchen and three bedrooms.

The views from the house are amazing.

We are surrounded by ocean inlets and

VERY few people know about this place.

Every time I dream about this place-I dream about this place 3-5 times a year,

I learn more about it.

One time I went on a tour of the town and walked the path next to the church in the common.

Last night I met the some neighbor

The neighbor last night lived next door.

She was dressed from the 50's, buttoned down shirt and skirt.

She was happy to see and asked where I had been all summer.

When I woke up I realized I hadn't dreamt about that place all summer......

Someone You Love Hurts

It's so hard, when someone you care about is hurting.

It's almost easier to the one in pain,

rather than watch the one you love.

I feel protective, angry and sad.

But my overwhelming feeling is hopeless.

I want to fix it--but I can't.

I want to make it go away--but I can't.

I want to confront the person who is hurting the one I love--but I can't.

It's not my battle.

So I sit here with all this anger and sadness and wonder what to do.

I am just so ANGRY!!!!!

Summer Hair

Summer time and hair don't mix.

Between the pool, beach and sun--forget it!

Each year I start the summer with a new cut and color.

I get something short and easy to manage--or so I think.

About this time, my hair is a mess!

Bleached, brassy and growing out.

Fizzy from humid weather.

So, why do I keep scheduling my vacation when it looks the worse?!

Freezing Time

There are times in my life that I have tried to freeze in my memory.

I remember when MoMo was 3.

We were sitting in the rocking chair in her pink and yellow sponged painted room.

I was rocking her and reading Time For Bed.

She fit perfectly in my lap.

Her feet came to the edge of my knees.

I could tilt my head slightly and rest it on her head,

I could wrap my arms around her and have my arms touch the other's elbow.

I remember snuggling her in her pink bunnies ( what she called footy PJ's),

and thinking

"I need to remember this.

I need to remember what if felt like to hold and cuddle her.

This will be gone soon.

This is my time with her as a toddler."

Today I had that moment with Luke.

He was getting ready for camp.

His face was tan and freckles were scattered across his nose.

He had on a green baseball cap, a soccer shirt and soccer shorts.

His smile was full of mischief and exposed his newly grown in teeth that didn't quite fit his mouth yet.

I just wanted to freeze that moment.

This is his time as a "boy".

He won't be a boy forever.

But for today,

he is MY boy...

Disorganized

I try to be organized, but I am not.

I am better when I was, but still could use some help.

My sister -in-law is VERY organized!

Her pantry cupboard looks like an ad for a tupperware ad.

The food is orgaizd by date and what gets the most use.

My pantry-- things are in bins--and don't look at the floor!

In my defense, I was never taught how to organize things.

When I was 5 years old, I was told that it was my turn to do the dishes.

Everyone got up and left the table.

I was left to hand wash dishes for 6 people.

Since then I have been trying to learn housecleaning tasks.

I am better but not great.

Because I am not good at these tasks I tend to do everything.

I think I trying not to repeat my past.

I have taught Maureen to do a few things in the past year.

She does her own laundry, cleans her room and helps with the cooking.

Luke on the other, not so good.

J has him doing much more than I do.

Yesterday Luke started a new camp.

I was sick so J said he would get him ready and drop him off.

J showed the list of stuff he needed told him to get a bag and check off the stuff as he put it in.

I would have done everything myself.

But Luke did it.

Not only did he do yesterday, he did it today!

I guess J was on to something!

On Folly Beach

I just finished reading Karen White's book On Folly Beach.

I loved it!

It takes place in South Carolina on Folly Beach.

A young woman is buying an old bookstore there and stumbles across a mystery.

Someone has writing notes in the margins of the older books.

She sets out to uncover the mystery.

The book plays with time--which I love.

The chapters fluctuate between now(2009 )and during WWII.

Some of the information is historically based.

I learned some thing about WWII that I didn't know before.

I don't want to give too much away ....

so just pick it up and read it!

War Time Ponderings

It's War Time.

We have been at war in Afghanistan since 2001.

We have been at war in Iraq since 2003.

We are at war.

I have been reading some books written about WWII.

In them, they talk about the sacrifices every day people made.

The home front effort.

I KNOW the servicemen/ women and their families have made HUGE sacrifices,

but for now I am focusing on the rest of us.

During WWII, there were sanctions and food rations.

People grew victory gardens to help with the war effort.

Today, we grow gardens or belong to farm shares to eat healthier.

During WWII supplies were low.

Today, we have everything we need.

Some of us are suffering due to the banking industry.

That has to do with greed, not the war effort.

Not because we sacrifice what we had to help the servicemen/ women.

During WWII, communication came in the form of letters and the dreaded telegram.

Today, we have email, chat rooms, and video chats.

We all watched the invasion of Iraq live, on our television sets.

We see ads on television where pregnant women are showing their husbands sonograms live from their phones.

I know for me the war hasn't really effected me.

The baseball field at my school is named for a student that died over there.

A few of my former students joined the arm forces but I don't know where they are.

During WW II the War took centered stage.

Today it is background.

It's rarely the first news story.

During WWII, there were air raid drills and children collected tin cans for the war effort.

We have been fighting in the current wars for most of Luke's life.

He knows very little about it.

I don't even think he knows where Afghanistan is.

Today, we know that during WWII silk sticking were a luxury, letters from overseas were priceless, rubber tires were collected, women rolled bandages and everyone gathered around the radio at night to hear the latest news.

We are at war.

We are fighting two wars.

Whether you agree with that or not--it's a fact.

And so I wonder,

what will the future write about the home front effort?

Geeks

When I was growing up being a Geek was a bad thing.

Not so much today.

My students told me that being a Geek means-

" you will be rich and people will be working for you!".

I thought about this.

Our friend/ neighbor is a Geek.

He is a professor-teaches PhD students--geeks.

He has lots of " fun toys".

In his living room he has a flat screen TV , X box, PS3 and Wii.

One of the games he plays on the PS3 is a driving game.

You race around famous cites and try to be the first one done.

This would be fine for most people--but not this Geek.

He bought a car bucket seat, brake and gas pedals and steering wheel.

He hooked the game controls to the pedals and the steering wheel.

So now when you play, you actually drive the car.

Luke thought this was BRILLANT and we should get one!

But I ask you, who would buy this?

A married person with kids is not going to have this in their living.

So that leaves , unmarried 20 somethings that spend their money on " Fun Toys".

AKA --Geeks!

Mom's Weekend

This weekend is Mom's weekend at Maureen's camp.

Maureen is not at camp this year.

She is WITH members of her camp on a ICEP trip. ( International Campers Exchange Program).

Twelve of the along with two leaders, are spending the summer in Russia and in Sweden.

So needles to say, I am not attending Mom's weekend this year--sigh.

I LOVED mom's weekend.

It was such a unique way to spend time with your daughter.

They are in charge.

You are a guest on their turf and the only way to make to work was so to let them show you the ropes.

You sleep on tents.

Tents you set up.

You on their schedule .

Follow their lead and hang put with their mom's friends.

It's wonderful!

It's like you get a glimpse at the world from their point of view.

I am missing mom's weekend!

Yes, I am a Soccer Mom

I didn't plan on being a soccer Mom,

but that's what I have become.

Maureen did soccer for a few years.

She liked it, didn't Love it.

She did one season of travel and hung up her cleats.

I always thought Luke would be a baseball kid.

At 18 months old he would pick up empty 2 liter bottles and swing them at tennis balls.

He played Pee Wee, Prep and attended Baseball camps.

But last fall we saw a change.

Luke made a Travel Soccer Team.

He loved it!

He worked hard at it,

and was pretty good.

In October he was invited to go to a Red Sox game with his buddy.

Red Sox--his heroes.

His bedroom walls are covered in Red Sox posters.

" I can't go, " Luke said when he was told about the game.

" WHAT?!", I replied.

" I got a soccer game. My team is counting on me. I can't go, " he said.

It was at that moment I became a Soccer Mom!

Lessons You Can't Teach

Maureen is overseas.

She spent last week in Russia.

They stayed with host families.

When she called she mentioned that the home she was staying in didn't have kids their age.

The other kids were staying with families that had kids their age.

Maureen is traveling with a group that consists of 8 boys and 4 girls.

When I asked her about the kids her voice changed ever so slightly.

I asked if everything was ok.

She said everything was fine.

And then mentioned that her host family didn't have any kids her age and the other ones did.

Maureen is on Facebook.

I am on Facebook and we are friends on Facebook.

Today I noticed that a picture had been posted on her page.

It was sent from a new friend, a friend from Russia.

As I looked through the pictures I noticed this new friend was female.

Most of the pictures had her with the boys.

They were hugging, giving her piggy back rides and snuggling.

The girl was dressed in skin tight, strapless dresses and high heels.

This is a new experience for Maureen.

One I had not prepare her for.

One I knew she would encounter.

But a tough one nevertheless.

My daughter is growing up.

Doctor's Office

Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment.

I hate going to the doctor.

I hate getting a pap smear.

But I went.

I checked in.

Waited about 4 minutes and was called in.

This great I thought.

No waiting.

The nurse did her thing, weight ( another thing I hate), height, and BP.

She took out "the gown".

Told me to undress and put in on.

Then she left.

I did what she told me.

Got up on the table and waited.

And waited.

I looked around for something to read.

Nothing, only signs on the walls.

Signs that did not make me feel to comfortable.

Examples--Have your moles change lately?

These are some examples of moles that might be skin cancer.

So here I am nude, except for "the gown" and I can see most of my moles.

I start thinking-" Is this what they always looked like?

Have they changed?

OMG do have cancer?

I stop looking and notice another sign on the wall.

This one was on a container.

"Warning--punctures from these objects can be fatal"

FATAL?!!!!

I notice that the container is filled with needles.

Now the rational me is saying it's the AIDS thing BUT,

the little kid in me is saying--

"Told you shots were bad!"

That's it.

I am outta here.

I start to stand up and the doctor comes in.

The exam went well--even the PAP.

When she was done she asked if I had any questions.

I answered, " Why aren't there any magazines in here?"

Living Gluten Free --Out in the World

J and I went out on a date Saturday night.

We decided to leave the Happy Valley and head to the Berkshires to see a comedy show--(Dave Hill).

We took our time and wandered through the "blue highways", enjoying the mountain scenery.

We arrived at our destination about 2 hours before the show started.

We drove around looking for a restaurant that served Gluten Free food.

I asked at 4 places.

No one knew what I was talking about.

We went to the place where the show was.

I wandered into the courtyard and saw a sign that said the place closed at 6 and gave directions where you could find restaurants.

So we kept looking.

After a half an hour we gave up.

J headed to Mickey D's and I to the local grocery store to grab a salad.

The local grocery store didn't have a salad bar.

The store was pretty dirty and gross--I stepped on gum while I was in there.

I grabbed rice cakes, peanut butter and bananas.

We ate in the car, looking at the beautiful mountains.

Dorothy, we are not in the Happy Valley anymore!

CSA

We live in the Happy Valley.

The home organic food and Whole Foods.

For years our neighbors and friends have been encouraging us to join a CSA-

Commuinty Shared Agriculture.

The way it works is you buy a share for about $500.00.

Everyweek from May until November you go to the farm and pick up your share.

The produce is laid out on tables.

You walk through and pick what what is there.

The first week there was mostly lettuce.

This week there was Khol Rabi, carrots ( orange and purple), zuccini, yellow squash, bok choy. cabbage and cucumbers.

Up until 3 weeks ago I heard never heard of Khol Rabi.

Now I know it's good in stir fry.

J was a little skepical at first.

He was worried most of the food would end up in the compost.

I figured worse case scenario we would eat more stir fry.

We started out doing just that --stir fry and salads.

Now I am venturing outside the box.

Last week--homemade gazpacho and homemade coleslaw.

This week I am trying tomato, cuke and melon salad.

Wish me luck!

Boundaries

I am so bad at boundaries.

I have a hard time.

I want to be a "nice guy".

I have trouble setting them.

Lately this issue is coming up a LOT!

Like last Thursday....

It's summer.

It's hot.

We have a pool.

I am a teacher.

I am home in the summer.

For the past 2 weeks Luke has been doing day camps.

Last week half day soccer camp, this week baseball camp until 3:30.

His buddy has been taking the same camps.

His mom drops off the boys and I have pick up.

I bring them back here to swim and cool off.

The boys get along, which is great but it's starting to wear on me.

The first week the mom stayed one day and brought over food.

This week on Monday both parents were home.

Mom called and asked if they could bring steaks over and grill at our house.

I said no.

She came over and stayed until 7:30. I asked her at leave at 6.

On Tuesday I asked her if she could watch Luke for us--we had appointment at 6 and would be home by 7:30.

She said yes.

Then she said since she was babysitting for us she would bring steaks over and grill.

She would have dinner all ready for us when we returned.

This didn't feel right but I kept my mouth shut.

I thought I was being selfish not sharing the pool and grill with them.

Thursday morning.

She calls me twice , what do I have to grill.

Great she'll grill our hot dogs and hamburgers.

We will grill when I get back

What else did I have.

What time did I need her there again?

5:30 at the latest--no problem I want to swim.

I will be there waaaay before 5:30.

I think it's so great that you are so laid back and let us use your pool.

Now I am really not ok with this but AGAIN don't say anything.

Luke is excited about them eating over.

I feel like they are using my house as a vacation spa.

But I keep quiet.

5:00--she is not here.

5:10--she is not here.

5:20--she is here.

Luke is done.

He is hot and exhausted and is done with having company around.

He is not listening and we are going 20 rounds.

He's friend is being passive aggressive.

He is not listening either and is acting like this is his house.

His mom bought him brand a new, fancy looking mask.

He won't share it with Luke.

Luke who has shared his pool, goggles and toys with for 2 weeks.

The boys are playing ball in the pool.

The ball keeps going out of pool.

His friend won't go get it.

" I'll just swim".

But when Luke gets the ball he plays with it.

Luke is frustrated.

I am frustrated.

Luke is not listening.

I am loosing it.

It's 5:29 and she pulls into the driveway.

I am yelling at Luke.

His friend is swimming in the pool, trying out his new mask.

They arrive on the deck with a cooler.

" We know you don't drink but we brought Gin and Tonic for ourselves. We figure we would babysit in style. Pool, deck and grilling what could be better."

It's after 5:30.

Luke is still not listening, I take him into the house to set him straight.

I think everyone heard me setting him straight.

The dad walks into the house and says to Luke

" Let's start the grill we are hungry."

They don't know how to start the grill.

Now I am spinning!

I start the grill.

I don't want the mom going through my stuff so I get the food.

It's obvious I am mad and spinning.

" We can do this", the mom says.

" No, you don't know how to use the grill. That's why I thought we were eating after I got back "I answer.

" But the boys are hungry. When did you excpet us to eat. You weren't clear in your communication, " she says.

I WASN'T CLEAR!

I start to tear up.

" I am late. Luke isn't listening. I wasn't planning on having this all done now, " I say.

" You knew we were coming at 5:30," she says.

The dad offers to go get Chinese.

"It doesn't matter I say. The grill is going now, " I reply.

We return at 7:15.

Luke spent a large amount of time going through the bushes looking for the toys they lost all week. He friend stays in the pool.

The dad took a nap.

They had all eaten and no food was ready for us.

"This is soo great. What a place you have! When can we do this again?" they ask.

" I'll get back to you on that, " I reply.

The Secrets Latest Victim

The meaning of the word Inheritance-

a permanent or valuable possession or blessing that one receives by a gift or without purchase.

And this is what had claimed the middle son.

He became paranoid and angry.

He became self righteous and arrogant.

All traits his father had.

The middle son was convinced that there was more money out there.

He became convinced that his brother was hiding or stealing money from the estate.

The brother he accused was the same brother who had not change the estate any money from his tireless effort.

This brother who had found tens of thousands of dollars in abandoned property.

This brother who paid for their father's funeral and headstone out of his own pocket--the middle son contributed nothing.

This brother who had stood by him his whole life.

This brother who was his friend when he didn't have any.

This brother who gave him a place to go on holidays when he didn't have wife or anyone special to share it with.

This brother who invited him on family vacations so he wouldn't be alone.

This brother who forgave his inappropriate behavior.

This is the brother he now called dishonest.

This is the brother he now accuses of hiding things.

The secret has claimed it's next victim.

The brothers are estranged.

The Secret Transends

We pick up the story after the father has died and the eldest son is putting together their dad's estate.

It takes months to put all the pieces together.

Weeks of going through garbage bags.

Endless telephone calls, emails and faxes.

Thousands of hours and many days taken off of work.

The eldest son had to file years of back taxes.

Find abandon property.

Sort through all his dad's papers and possessions.

During the search he found some of the answers he was looking for.

During the search he came to know and understand his father.

During the search he came to peace.

The middle brother on the other, waited.

Waited for his due, what was " rightfully his".

The estate neared closing

The middle brother was informed of what he had would inherit .

The middle brother was not happy.

This was not his due.

This was not what he had been expecting.

The secret saw it's chance.

A chance to reclaim it's position in this family.

And while the middle brother stewed in his anger,

the secret snuck in and claimed it's next victim.

Comfort Food

I have been doing a lot of light reading lately.

I like to do that after school is out.

I pick fluffy, interesting books that don't require a lot of thinking.

Pure relaxing enjoyment.

This year I seem to be reading a lot of books that have to do with food.

Example-Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs and Elin Hilderband books have a lot of food in them.

This got my thinking about food.

Food has become different for me since I became Gluten Free.

Many of my old " comfort foods" I can no longer eat.

But the comfort foods contain history, memories and stories.

I wonder how I can preserve those.

My dad used food to keep the memory of his mother alive.

She died when he was 15.

He had stories to go with chocolate milk, plum pudding and so on.

It's hot here in the Happy Valley.

Food is not appealing.

I think back to foods I ate when I was a child when it was hot out.

We had chips.

It was one of the few times we had chips in the house.

My dad said we needed to have salt so he brought home chips.

My mom called them munchies--she was trying to fit in but it always sounded funny coming from her.

We would have cold cut sandwiches on onion rolls.

My mom would make cold cuke soup.

Sometimes she made Lemonade and she would add OJ to it.

My favorite was BLT's.

The first time we had them my mom wouldn't tell us what the letters stood for.

We had to guess.

By the time dinnertime had arrived we thought we were having baloney, turkey and lemonade!

The Secret Gate Keeper

The story continues..

As news spread of their father's death, the phone calls began coming in.

The Uncles asked if the sons had heard from Smith.

Who was Smith they asked.

You will find out they were informed.

And they did.

The day after they buried their father, the Uncles took the sons to Smith's office.

A plush office with cherry wood furniture.

It was in this cherry wood office that the sons were informed that their Grandmother had left them money.

The money had been been kept in a trust and their father had been living off the interest.

It was a sizable amount of money but by no means a fortune.

The money was to be divided up equally between them.

The middle son was gleeful and giggly.

The eldest son had questions.

It was part of the secret that occupied their lives.

This was the root.

The family money.

Now they knew how how they had.

A good sizable sum but by no means a fortune.

But they had some answers.

The eldest son got busy putting the pieces together of their father's estate .

While the middle son become more entangled with the secret.

Bullying Free Zone

We live near South Hadley.

I work with a woman who counseled the students from South Hadley High.

I am a teacher.

I have attended Anti- Bully workshops, heard Barabra Colloroso speak.

I have had bullies in my class, and I have the bullied in my class.

I was a high school student.

I bullied and was bullied.

My kids elementary school has a no Bully Zone.

The concept is simple.

No one bullies.

If you see or hear bullying you report it.

The person doing the bullying is counseled.

The bullying ends.

This bully free zone, sounded great until this week.

Luke attended a soccer day camp.

The first day another kid starting picking on him.

Luke didn't know how to handle it.

We brainstormed at home strategies.

The next day the kid picked on him again.

Luke handled it better, but was still upset.

A few days later, the counselor picked on him.

Luke got really upset.

" Don't they know about the Bully Free Zone?" he asked.

And then it hit me.

The world isn't a bully free zone.

He will get bullied.

We all get bullied.

And though a bully free zone is a great concept, it's not realistic.

What Luke needed at that moment was a bag of tricks to defuse the situation.

He had nothing.

He was totally unprepared for this situation and as a result was very vulnerable.

So maybe what we need is not a Bully Free Zone, but a Bully Defense class.

That way our kids won't be defenseless.

I wonder what Phoebe would think about that.

The Secret Manifest

More about my friend's family.

Their father was dead.

The sons arrived at their father's home and were shocked at what they found.

The house was a complete and utter disaster.

Newspapers and mail were covered floor of the downstairs.

It was piled 2-3 feet high.

There was a small path that went from the kitchen to couch.

The rest of the floor was covered.

The sons began to throw the mail into trash bags

Fifteen green garage bags of mail.

Piles upon piles of unopened mail.

Some dating back in the 1980's.

Why? Why was all this mail not opened?

The mail contained bank and brokerage account statements.

It too was not opened.

The son looked through back files.

Taxes never been filed or paid.

Their father had never signed up for medicare or social security.

Why?

The question became WHY.

The Secret Starts to Grow

I know a family that had a secret.

Their secret had to do with money.

The dad hardly ever work and the mom was a stay at home mom.

Because their dad didn't work, one would assume that they didn't have money.

But they did.

They won't filthy rich, but well off. Nice house, clothes and the presents under the Christmas tree filled half a room.

The kids knew there was money in the family. Their Grandmother was wealthy. She lived in a huge house on waterfront property.

The kids knew their great Grandfather was RICH.

They had heard stories at family gatherings. They saw how their cousins lived. They had huge houses, private houses, fancy cars and vacation houses.

They often wondered what happened to their fancy cars and vacation homes.

Their mother knew her husband was wealthy but never knew how much money he had.

He refused to tell her.

It was a secret.

Their dad grew up with maids, gardeners and attended private schools.

But if you said he was rich, he would get upset and say no.

Money was not discussed, it was a secret.

This money secret started to surface throughout their lives.

It came up while they filled out loans for colleges.

It came up when the parents divorced.

And still it remained a secret.

But now the secret had begun to claim the kids lives.

Not long after the eldest son got married, their Grandmother passed away.

The entire family gathered for the massive, expensive funeral.

Three hours after the reception had ended, the children of the deceased gathered for the reading of the will.

The aunts, uncles and their father( no spouses or children) went into a room for what seemed like hours.

The children of the family had no idea what to except but the cousins informed them that their dad should inherit a lot of money and some of would go to them after their dad died. It was called a skip a generation will.

The aunts, uncles and father emerged, serious and quiet. When the sons asked what had happened they were told it was none of their business.

And so their father continued on with his life.

He lived as a bachelor and rented a townhouse apartment.

He would loan money to his sons occasionally to help with a down payment or car loan.

He traveled little, only to visit family and still would not discuss money with his sons.

Life for him simple and not extravagant.

Their mother, now remarried, would tell her sons that their father was rich and they should be getting money from him. She urged them to find out information on his finances. They tried a few times but no information was ever given.

Life continued on this way until they got a call from the police. Their father had had a heart attack and was dead.

Secrets

Secrets are disease infested.

The start are small and maybe even innocent but then they take on a life of their own and grow.

Secrets are like vines that begin climb and slowly wind around are lives and very existence and before we know it they are a part of our lives.

They are our life story.

They are a part of us.

Sometimes these secrets direct our lives and make decisions.

And when secrets are at there worse they influence decisions we make.

Even when we may not know what the secret is or was.

We just know that there was one.

I have secrets in my past.

I battle them daily.

Trying hard not to let them dictate my choices from today.

It's hard, it's a daily battle.

But it's worth it.

I am not willing to pay the price of those secrets anymore.

Writing

I am trying to write.

Correction, I am writing.

I started this blog 2 years ago, wrote for a year and then stopped.

Started writing about a dream I had 9 years ago and stopped.

I stopped last time because I let someone else opinion guide me.

I didn't trust myself.

Listen to him and not myself.

Hard lesson!

Then this spring I read Anne Lamont's Bird by Bird.

I have made a commitment to write each day.

I am also going to write a letter to one of my characters. I am hoping that will have "unstuck" me.

Wish me luck!

Parenting

Momo left for camp yesterday. She has gone to camp before, for a month at a time.

But this time it was different.

She is going on a leadership program to Russia and Sweden. She will be gone for 5 1/2 weeks.

This time it's different because she spreading her wings and I am not there to guide her.

This time it's different because she going to worlds I have never seen.

This time it is different because she is experiencing things I will never experience.

Parenting is such a strange and complicated things. They place this beautiful being in your arms and from that day forward your job is to prepare them to leave you.

Your job to help them discover themselves, their talents. their riches.

And once they have made these wonderful discoveries their job is to go out in the world and share them with others.

Allowing them and trusting them to do these is one of the hardest discoveries I have had to make.