Normal... what is that?

I get up, I check my emails.  Any word?

I go to work and I check my cell phone every hour. Any word?

I leave work and check in with Hubby. Any word?

I stop by to visit ML on the way home. I worry J.

J  is our friend, a member of the family and takes care of ML.  

"You don't normally do that, " J replies.

I come home and I try to our normal things. 

I help Daughter with homework. It takes longer. It is hard to think she says. That is not normal.

I spend time with Son. He is full of questions.  "What will happen when Grammy dies? How long will she be alive?  Did she forget how to walk is that why she has a wheelchair now?"

Are these questions normal?

I go to pilates class. I can't focus. My pilates teacher is gentle and kind. I feel like crying. That is not normal.

I check my emails. I update people. What is the latest word?

Will Hubby be home for dinner or will he go straight to his moms? It is normal for him not be home for dinner these days. 

Daughter calls him. Don't worry about me he says. That is his normal reply.

I ask her how Daddy sounds. She replies ,

"Normal... or least as normal as he has sounded lately. "

..... what is normal?  And ...

will things ever be normal again? And ...

what will that look and feel like?